Happy Father’s Day, Friend

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Hello Friend…happy Father’s Day.

Three years ago, you walked into the hotel office where I worked and asked me for my number. You gave me the eye, put on the charm best you could, and said you’d like to get to know me. It didn’t work.

But maybe that’s what made it so easy to dive in head first. If you had an ulterior motive for speaking to me, it was perfect because I had one of my own. My aim was to forget. I had allowed myself to be lost in a relationship just months prior to that, I had gotten out mildly intact, and at the time, I just needed to forget.

Friend, I am a Christian, a sinner saved by grace, and at that time nobody would have been the wiser. It was how I preferred it. If nobody knew, nobody held me accountable. Surely, I couldn’t mess up a testimony nobody knew about, right? Still, God was calling me to hash things out, deal with everything with Him, hurry up and STOP. But I chose to forget. The name of the game was “WHY NOT?!”

So your charm was faulty (cheesy at best), your “game” was average, and you may not have wanted to get to know me, but that’s what made it perfect. There was no promise of a future, so WHY NOT?

You left town, and soon after I got the news that would change my life.

PREGNANT.

I had been saying WHY NOT for a couple months, refusing to stop and heal. Thinking hurt, praying hurt, letting go of my defenses hurt. I chose to forget and you were there at the right time, Friend. I didn’t know you long. Truthfully, neither of us cared enough about the other to allow that to happen. I didn’t once tell you about the God who was calling me out of my spiral, yet, through you, He put up the road block that made me come to a screeching halt as if to say “THIS, is WHY NOT”.

Three years ago, Friend, you came into my life, and jumpstarted the life I never would have imagined. I graduated earlier than expected choosing to never play the “pregnant” card, as tempted as I was. I was able to kick my Dr. Pepper addiction, because God forbid I’d have to actually hit the gym on a regular basis to get rid of the baby weight. I got to experience the joy of preggo jeans. My mama had to deal with the dilemma of what she would have her grandbaby call her, because Lord knows she doesn’t look old enough to be called Grandma. I was acutely aware for the first time of the support my family, closest friends, and church family always had for me. But most of all, through you, my God showed me that He had never let me go and He didn’t have any plans to. He gave me a perfect little person who was loved and adored by so many before he was even born, and has been everyday since.

Friend, it was unexpected, nerve racking, maddening, wearying, and defeating. But truly, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’ve laughed more, felt more, and understood more than I ever have before. I have a living, breathing testament of where I’ve been, and a motivation to never get back there again.

So Happy Father’s Day, Friend. It’s been three years, and I guess it’s ok to admit now that your charm worked out pretty well in the end.

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